An Exclusive From My Brain

I work in a coffee shop. I have a lot of boring conversations. Don’t get me wrong, I get a lot of interesting ones too, but sadly, there are still many chew your own arm off boring people that never, ever leave me alone.

I have noticed, as the time at which I go to university comes closer, that the majority of the conversations I have with strangers and acquaintances can be boiled down into three simple questions.

1. Do I want to be an actress, like my mum? (to any other children of theatre people, I feel your pain)
2. What do I plan to do with my life? (why this question is considered small talk I will never understand)
3. Do I have a boyfriend?

Saying No, I HAVE NO FREAKING IDEA/Time travelling pirate journalist, no, and no I don’t want to go out with your brother/cousin/ex/grandfather at least a hundred times a day would annoy anyone after a while, right?

I hung out with my brother for a couple of hours yesterday and I have come to a conclusion: I am going to implement the autistic walk off (and give it a better name) in my life. The autistic walk off is pretty self-explanatory. It’s basically walking off in the middle of a conversation, as if it were never happening in the first place (This sentence was so unnecessary, I apologise).

I love the autistic walk off. I think it’s hilarious, and I love my brother a little bit more every time he does it. Everyone knows where they stand with TAWO. It states clearly that You Are Talking Shit, And I Am Going To Exercise My Right To Leave. My brother does it all the time. Usually when I’m talking.

Imagine how much more concise and interesting the world would be if we all lived by TAWO. I like the sound of that place. It’d be like living in World Series of Dating, constantly (on seconds thoughts…).

To the next person who wants to know if I want to be my mother, married or hoping to gain some form of employment (like that’ll ever happen!)…. Goodbye. I walk off with style. Social convention is boring anyway.